WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump did not read a Presidential Daily Brief about Russia paying Taliban militants to attack U.S. troops because he was busy not reading a Presidential Daily Brief about the coronavirus, the White House said on Monday.
Kayleigh McEnany, the White House press secretary, angrily accused reporters of being “totally unaware” of just how much Trump has to not read in a given day.
“Day in, day out, the President has to ignore briefs on a wide range of subjects,” McEnany said. “His ‘Do Not Read’ box is overflowing.”
“I’d like to see any of you try to not read all of that stuff,” she said. “It isn’t easy, especially when the briefs have words like ‘URGENT’ and ‘MUST READ’ stamped in big red letters on them.”
After lashing out at the press, McEnany saved her most blistering remarks for the authors of the Presidential Daily Briefs themselves. “Anyone who expects this President to find out something important by reading does not know Donald Trump,” she said.