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October 27, 2020
Worship Media
Humorous

Uses for the Bushel of Apples You Picked Last Weekend

Make a fall basket for your next-door neighbors, whom you haven’t talked to offline in seven months.

Basket full of apples with a gift note attached.


Draw faces on them and have them sit next to you on the couch for movie night.

Red face drawn on a green apple.


Juggle them in a viral TikTok video (quick, while you still can).

TikTok logo reshaped to look like an apple.


Eat one a day to keep the doctor away, since they still charge a thirty-dollar co-pay to downplay your foot pain via teleconference.

A stethoscope listening to an apple.


Carve apple roses in honor of the flowers you’d be able to go outside and see if the A.Q.I. weren’t three hundred.

An apple carved into a rose next to a gas mask.


Put them into a pot of water and try bobbing for them. This is the closest you’ll get to swimming all year.

A diving board over a bucket of apples and water.


Let them ferment in your bathtub until they form a foul but potent cognac, and drink it while watching the confirmation hearings for our new Supreme Court Justice.

Fermented apples in a cognac glass and a gavel.


Peel off the skin in long strips, let the strips dry, and twist them into pompoms. Cheer yourself on as you endure your seventeenth Zoom date.

Apple skins turned into pom poms.


Buy a press and start your own craft cidery to supplement your income now that you’re earning sixty per cent of your salary while doing a hundred and twenty per cent more while working from home.

An apple press for making cider.


Dump a few in the Little Free Library around the block in exchange for a guidebook to Canada.

A free public library full of apples.


When you’re up at night worrying about dictatorships, try stacking the apples into a precarious pyramid, then watch helplessly as it crumbles into ruins.

Two apple cores and three partially eaten apples.


Throw them all away and have an appletini instead. It’s been a rough year.

An appletini.

Click Here to Visit Orignal Source of Article https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/uses-for-the-bushel-of-apples-you-picked-last-weekend

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