WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Driven over the edge by his expulsion from Twitter, a deranged Donald J. Trump ordered his two adult sons to hand out flyers with his tweets on them.
The incident occurred at three o’clock Sunday morning, when Trump, wide awake and in a state of extreme agitation, had an idea for a tweet but no platform on which to broadcast it.
Wearing his bathrobe, he summoned his adult sons to the Oval Office and scrawled his tweet on a piece of paper with one of the Sharpies that had served him well in the past.
Reportedly, Trump then commanded Eric and Don, Jr., to go to the nearest copy shop and order ten thousand flyers containing his tweet to hand out on street corners.
According to Trump’s plan, supporters desiring to retweet his tweet would also go to copy shops and hand out flyers, a system he claimed was “better than Twitter.”
Witnesses to the early-morning meeting said that the two Trump sons left the Oval Office looking sullen and beleaguered.
“Only nine more days of this shit,” Eric Trump reportedly muttered.